1. the quest to remain eternally hairless. absolutely. everywhere. E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E.
2. ingrown hairs and itchy stubble on your noo-noo.
3. a phobia of waking up sans makeup.
4. holding in farts and number 2s (it's a real talent). anyway, girls don't poo!
5. the exhausting task of finding matching undies and bras. sighhh. what's the point? you and i both know we're going to having sex and they'll be on the floor in 30 seconds anyway.
6. restricting cake intake and pretending you have the appetite of a sparrow. must. resist. cake. OH WHAT THE HELL, BRING ON THE CAKE.
7. laughing off a comment we'd otherwise claw someone's eyes out for. however, we will bring this comment up at a later date, when we're more comfortable with each other, and use it against you. again. and again. and again.
8. waiting for the first argument to happen. they're inevitable.
9. hard nipples. CONSTANTLY hard nipples. we want you to idolise our boobs, and good boobs need hard nipples. ahhh the elusive hard nipple. we have to put in some heavy-duty tweaking to make ours look presentable and not like melting hamburgers.
10. fanny farts.
11. morning sex isn't like the movies. our breath stinks, your breath stinks, and what we're really fantasising about is that bacon sarnie that you'll be making us shortly.
12. smelly male urine on the rim of the toilet seat/bathroom floor. WHY.
13. wanting to hear about their sexual exploits. claim WE won't get jealous. but WE do, WE so do. WHY DID YOU TELL ME?!
14. tolerating a drunk boyfriend is very much like babysitting a toddler.
15. sexy selfies. most of the time we just can't be bothered. the last thing a woman who is PMSing wants to do is strip off naked and pose like a porn-star.
16. finding porn on their internet history. be cool, laugh it off? or GO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING APE SHIT, HOW DARE YOU, AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?!
17. meeting the parents. what should i wear?! how should i do my makeup!? i want a look that says i'm fun, i'm respectable, i'm ladylike. oh god, then i have to try and stop the swear-words slipping out mid-convo. and i can't leave any food on my plate because they'll just like i'm an ungrateful bitch who is undeserving of their son. THIS IS JUST ALL TOO MUCH FOR ME.
18. the feeling when seeing a picture of one of their questionable choice of ex-girlfriends.
19. the feeling when seeing a picture of one of their better choices of ex-girlfriends. it would probably kill us to admit she's..pretty. OH, SO WE'RE THE REBOUND ARE WE?!
AND FINALLY...
20. the first time they tell you they love you.
